I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
