Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
