i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
