All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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