Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
