You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Randomize
