Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
