i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
