he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
