I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
