how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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