mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
