I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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