my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
