Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
