I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
