I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
