A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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