the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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