Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
