never play flip cup with pint glasses
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
