My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
