my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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