Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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