I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
