Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
