i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
