Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You are a genius and a whore.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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