Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
