if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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