What a fucking waste of an outfit
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
