Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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