Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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