so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
