We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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