There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
