I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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