Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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