Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
