My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its not stalking. its research.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
