Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
