At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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