Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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