hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
