In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
