i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Randomize
