wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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