toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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