I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
