either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
