So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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