had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
